When will enter the world of weddings, many couples focus more on care of physical stamina, an engagement ceremony, wedding reception, shelter, and so forth. They forget what really matters, namely mental readiness.
Yet according to Lucia Indrakusuma, marriage counselors from Eagle Eye, mental readiness is ideal for reducing the risk of failure and friction-reducing friction in the marriage.
Relieve Conflict
Mentally prepared can be assisted with pre-marital counseling. So, before refusing an offer from the couple or family who invites you attend premarital counseling, first understand the outcome. Among them is to help couples resolve friction-reducing and friction in the household. "Conflict in marriage is not inevitable. Is the problem could be finished or not, depending on the personality of the couple, "said Lucia.
How do I? In premarital counseling tests are temperament (personality) is done so that they know the character of her partner. The counselor did not keep silence, and he will tell what strategy they employ when faced with domestic problems. For example the problem of thinking, finance, law, emotional maturity, and others.
Personality Blend
In premarital counseling, there is some kind of personality that is commonly found in Lucia, namely:
- Bear: Want to please your partner, but he goal is not achieved. For him, "What is important other people happy."
- Sharks: People who are dominant and strong personality. For him, "The important goal I achieved, I care about my partner ruined baseball or not."
- Turtles: People who are cowards. Like a turtle, if it does not feel secure he will not issue his head, so the goal is not achieved and the relationship relations.
- Wolf: Can be relied upon to perform two-way communication (no compromise), so the relationship and goals he and partner success.
- Owl: Wise and mature in terms of emotion (relations and destination are both achieved).
It is important for couples to know the character of their partners and find out a solution or a strategy of what to do when faced with the problem. For example, if your character tortoise and the pair is like a bear. If the views of his character, both partners will be difficult to resolve problems between them. Now, with the counseling, the couple can anticipate and manage the strategy to complete.
Different Year, Different Problems
The following stages are used to pass the couple getting married:
Romantic Love (0-4 years)
According to Lucia, marriage-prone years starting from the fourth year. The issue is more focused on personality issues that do not occur during courtship. "When I was dating, both still in the stage of romantic love, everything is still completely romantic. Illustrations, images, and concepts about marriage is still struggling in the beauty of the relationship alone, who do not fit with the reality of married life is. "
When entered in the marriage, both are beginning to show real character. The couple began to shock and realize that the habits of a couple is not in accordance with expectations. For example, the wife upset because her husband was always pressing the toothpaste from the middle, not from the end as usual. Or, the husband was getting mad with wife's habit of always shower with muddy conditions in the bathroom to dry them.
The problem was small, but if a barrage and buried it could lead to conflict between them. If in the four years the couple can get through all the problems, it is estimated their marriage will be stable in the future. But if on the contrary, when they do not get through it with a good adaptation, their household would be problematic for the rest of the wedding itself.
Realistic Love (4-8 years)
At this stage, the two couples began to learn again to accept the true character of their partners, aware of the differences that they never noticed before, deepen their communication skills, learn to understand and express desires, needs and feelings, develop strategies to deal with one another, as well as give and take. There have been negotiations and accommodation.
Love Struggle (8-13 years) Included in the phase where the couple feel the boredom in the household, because it turns out they do business in the previous stage not meet the expectations of each.
By accident, they tried to disappoint and hurt each other because of differences between them become clearer. What happens is equally trying to adjust strategy to control the realistic atmosphere of love in the household, trying to make your marriage was not destroyed, and many sacrifices for their partner. On the other hand, they are often mutually assess each other, criticizing, defending himself as the most correct, and they also began to make camp (autonomy) is a stronghold of right-left, good-bad, or wrong completely.
Discovery Love
Age of both partners are not young anymore. The kids are getting bigger and mature. These conditions make the couple began to re-construct their goal was married, also began releasing anger and resentment. They began creating a new connection with the bond back to deepen communication, honesty, and restore confidence in his partner.
Of all the problems that have been passed, they learned to know the strengths and vulnerabilities of a partner, identify and talk about their fears. No more judging or blaming each other, and they translate their complaints into requests for changes. There was firmness in their hearts to make the pair as a friend until the end of life. The conflict became 'useless' to be done.
They also see their partner in a new way and find a new balance of separateness and togetherness, independence, and intimacy. Their minds become more extensive and inclusive.
From the steps above, we come to know that marriage is a continuous process, just like when people seek God, never arrived. Success or failure of the marriage, depending on the couples themselves, whether or not they want to learn or, "Want to make it work or have a commitment to succeed in marriage or not? If baseball is certainly difficult commitment. The conflict will not be completed and will continue to make the marriage relationship between the pair is blocked. To be sure, conflict is good and necessary in a marriage, because the conflict forced the couple to grow (into a good direction) with one another. " Thanks for reading:Prone Year Marriage
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